New Year’s resolutions (some more homework for me)

The last days of the year are always a good moment to assess the previous twelve months and to make resolutions on what we wish for the year to come. Plus, I’ve been frequently shying away from expressing my deepest and most meaningful wishes in such an explicit way. I’m one of those people who somehow believe that what you really care for has to be kept untold. There must be some part of my mind believing that if you don’t say what you want to achieve out loud, in case of failure, you will be hurt a little less. Since I’m not sure that technique has…

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On a May Day – Part 2

Continued from On a May Day – Part 1 My first thought as soon as my therapist names my emotional side is “Am I really able to feel it, my emotional side? Do I even know what she’s talking about?” I’ve trained myself for decades to be as rational as I could. I managed to succeed at it hands down. I basically got a PhD in Applied Rationality. But how about emotivity? I feel like an innocent – and even a little dumb – child, when I hear myself saying “I’m not really sure if I know what you mean by…

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On a May Day – Part 1

On an early May morning, I showed up to my last therapy session. Needless to say, I was feeling nervous. I didn’t know much about how we were going to handle that last appointment, but I had an image that had popped in my mind few days before and I wanted to discuss about it with my therapist on that last meeting. During the previous days, while thinking about the person I have been all my life and the one I’ve got the feeling I’m transforming into, a geometrical metaphor had surfaced in my mind. I easily pictured the usual…

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The Past Me, the Present Me

By mid of November, our plan was counting 3 more therapy sessions to go. I had been feeling good for months, but there was an image that was still hurting pretty bad every time it surfaced: it was the memory of those awful days, in which my worst anxiety had kept my body trapped inside my house and my life trapped inside my head. My therapist welcomed me with her usual smile: “Today we can address those memories, by going back to EMDR.” [1] We had used EMDR for the first couple of sessions, then spontaneously moved to a more…

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When worlds collide

Dizziness has proved to be the most perduring of all my symptoms so far. More than one year after my black-out, from time to time, the world around me still begins spinning around. Honestly, I don’t even know whether I’ll ever get rid of this reaction. Not that I actually have the need to. I’ve experienced my dizziness in a bunch of different situations up to now: while walking, while running, while driving and in several other whiles. It turns out it’s no longer that dangerous and, therefore, no longer that scary. During that lapse of time, lasting about 20-30…

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