Of avocados and love relationships

"Avocado pit" by Maria Keays

I let go of something today. During the first week of June, I challenged my green thumb by trying to grow an avocado tree from a seed. Not much of a challenge you may argue and you would be right, if only I hadn’t attended gardening lessons at Attila’s course (There, where I have passed, the grass will never grow again, Attila the Hun). I’m known for my very poor skills in cultivating plants of any kind. But, since I proved to make my cyclamen survive since last winter till summer, driven by the enthusiasm of this almost-impossible mission accomplished,…

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Of enraged dogs, success and self-celebration

Talk about having to speak in public to an anxious girl and you’ll see her crumble to the ground under the weight of her nerves shaking. Yeah, maybe you will. Or maybe not. I was recently asked to act in behalf of my boss for a couple of weeks, travel abroad, lead the preparation of the stuff we had to present, meet our Customer and deliver a 90 minutes presentation twice in two weeks. My anxiety immediately told me to say “No, I don’t want to go”, but my hard-working attitude and my desire not to let my boss down…

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My Summer homework

I’ve never been more beautiful than I am today. I’ve never felt more beautiful than I feel today. And I suspect the two things are related. I’ve been younger and fresher (yep, that happens by definition, I guess). I’ve been in better shape (yes, I really need some workout, to drop those extra 15-20 pounds I put on last winter). I’ve had better haircuts (gosh, I really need to see my hairstylist soon). But it turns out, those were moments in which I didn’t feel beautiful. At all. There have been periods in which I was going out more frequently…

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The Past Me, the Present Me

By mid of November, our plan was counting 3 more therapy sessions to go. I had been feeling good for months, but there was an image that was still hurting pretty bad every time it surfaced: it was the memory of those awful days, in which my worst anxiety had kept my body trapped inside my house and my life trapped inside my head. My therapist welcomed me with her usual smile: “Today we can address those memories, by going back to EMDR.” [1] We had used EMDR for the first couple of sessions, then spontaneously moved to a more…

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Let the romance begin

Ok, the title may sound a bit mushy, I know. But, after all, what did you expect after last post? It all begins with a kiss, right? That’s what happened to me, to us, as well. It all began with that kiss. I was still pretty afraid of so many things, but confusion was dissolving. I told everything to my therapist, of course, as soon as we met. “I’m glad about what’s happening, but I still have so many fears.” “Which ones?” she asked. “Oh gosh, where do I start from?” “Let’s start from the biggest ones, for example”. I…

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