letdownguard

Basically I had just let down my guard, I had just done something I had been dreading for all my life.
Something in the back of my head had been telling me that in the moment in which you let down your guard, you irreparably give way to hurt and suffering.
That afternoon, as I let myself go into that hug, a very small breach was made into the walls I had been building up for all my life. That very small gesture felt surprisingly good and liberating.
So, once again, my feelings were proving my head wrong. Letting down my guard was probably going to expose me to the risk of being hurt, but, at the same time, it was giving way to the love and affection I had been needing like air.

– Whitest Fly

The Past Me, the Present Me

By mid of November, our plan was counting 3 more therapy sessions to go. I had been feeling good for months, but there was an image that was still hurting pretty bad every time it surfaced: it was the memory of those awful days, in which my worst anxiety had kept my body trapped inside my house and my life trapped inside my head. My therapist welcomed me with her usual smile: “Today we can address those memories, by going back to EMDR.” [1] We had used EMDR for the first couple of sessions, then spontaneously moved to a more…

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Let down my guard

I was basically starting to let down my guard. Or more simply, I was just trying to stop fighting windmills. Life had just shown me that I am way weaker and more vulnerable than I have ever imagined or wanted to be. But, as time went by and I felt better, I got more and more used to the idea that my fragility is not something I should be ashamed of, that it is even something that makes me a better person. Borrowing a metaphor from literature, I was starting to feel like my character on the stage had just…

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