Maybe just the touch of a hand…

Wet Touch by Petras Gagilas

I’m feeling feverish. My throat is probably going to explode in few minutes and it’s been raining for 3 days in a row so far; the spring-like days that have been deceiving us during the last weeks abdicated to a gloomy and autumnal weather. I’m feeling cold, my eyes are shiny and my head hurts a little. I’d definitely better go home and have some sleep. But I’m in my office instead, just back from lunch break in the canteen. But if I stop and feel what my guts are actually telling me, I really have no reason to run home this time.
I’m standing in front of a colleague’s laptop together with three other people, when one of the guys I’ve just spent lunch-time with walks behind my back, stops close to me and places his hands on my shoulders. His gesture is just so natural and innocent. He lingers on my shoulders long enough to let me feel the warmth of his hands, so that I can clearly draw in my mind the outline of his palms and fingers placed on my skin.
For a moment, for a collection of moments actually, I lose any focus or interest on what’s happening on the laptop screen I’ve been looking at. All the attention my feverish head can collect is caught by my skin under his hands, by their warmth and by the proximity of the rest of his body.
That’s what my mindfulness teacher has probably been trying to teach us so far: be in the moment, feel your body’s sensations and welcome them the way they are. Well, I must admit that it’s way easier when your body-scan is aided by the soft hands of a sweet boy standing behind your back and getting close to you, just like that: naturally, aimlessly and innocently.
I felt something in that moment. What did I feel? I don’t know really, I felt his body touching mine, I felt some personal proximity. There was comfort in that gesture, there was ease and pleasure. It felt warm, just like that.
If your mind works just a little like mine, you can easily imagine what happened right after that mindful moment: my brain raised the anchor and drifted offshore, daydreaming about all the possible romantic scenarios between us for the rest of the day.
But life is hard; you bet it is. Long story short: two weeks later I found out he’s got a girlfriend. Ok, she lives on the other side of the ocean, but that’s enough for me to see a huge sticker on his forehead every time I look at him that says: “THIS GUY’S TAKEN”.
Enough with the romantic fancying, then. God, I wish my mindful moment had lasted just a bit longer. 🙂


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