Of Gratitude and other Emotions – Part 2

Continued from: Of Gratitude and other Emotions – Part 1

Goodbye 261/365 by Dennis Skley

Mid-December came and so did my last therapy session.
With my little present in my bag, I was waiting for the best moment to pull it out and find the right words to present it to my therapist. I hadn’t managed to “prepare my speech”, since every time I sounded either too mushy or too cold in my rehearsals, so I had given up, trying to count on my generally-very-poor improvisation skills.

When we approached the conclusion of the session and I was ready to turn to the chair to my left, where my bag was, she caught me off guard. “Since Christmas is coming, I got a little something for you” she said, standing up.

Wait, what?! She got something for me?!
I’ve been struggling for days with the idea of having gone a little too far buying a present for her and now she’s saying that she bought one for me?!

I was genuinely surprised and – I must admit – quite thrilled, as she walked past me and reached for her purse behind my back. I just couldn’t imagine what she could have gotten me. I was even too shy to turn round and look at her while she rummaged in her purse.
It’s weird how everything felt amazingly new and unexpected in that moment: seeing her walk around the office and cross the invisible line of her desk that had been separating us for most of the time, knowing that she was going to present me her gift in few seconds and trying to imagine what that present could be without having any possible clue about it, seeing her almost emptying her bag out in a goofy way since that little something was hiding itself so well.

After some seconds, she got back to me with a USB drive in her hands.
A USB drive hadn’t even crossed my mind while contemplating all the possible options in the previous seconds.
More and more curious, I took it and turned it in my hands , as if I had never seen anything similar before. “When I tidy up my notes after each session” she explained “I usually listen to music. There are three songs that reminded me of some of the things we have discussed about in these months. One of them relates with the vertigo you’ve experienced (at some point it says Vertigo is not being afraid to fall, but wishing to fly), the second one with your relationship with your best friend and the third one with the relationship between you and your mother. You have them on that drive; I suggest you to listen to them and pay particular attention to the lyrics. Maybe you can take them with you and listen to them while you’re having a walk to relax.”

Wow, three songs for me.
I was curious to find out which songs she was referring to, what were the lyrics about, by which singers, what kind of music she listened to, but I didn’t ask anything more.
I just went ahead and grabbed the opportunity to exchange her kindness. “Since we’re in giving-presents mode, I have something for you too.” I silently congratulated with myself for the perfect timing, while she raised her eyebrows and opened her eyes wide in a surprised expression. Her drive had just served as a perfect opening for me and made my improvisation task way easier than I had imagined.
I placed the little chocolate box in front of her and explained how much the Remember to dare! That’s how you’ll know that you have lived quote meant to me, how it had resonated in me when I had read it. “I don’t know if you’re allowed to accept gifts from patients, but I felt it like using some help to express all my gratitude.”
“I’m not allowed to accept presents unless they have a meaning. And you’ve just explained yours.”
Mission accomplished, then.
It was time to go and say goodbye. I was leaving her office with a peaceful and positive mood, due to the pleasure of having let my thankfulness shape out, to the joy of receiving something to take with me, to the awareness of leaving that office as a better person than I was when I first entered it, to the depth of the relationship between the two of us that had created the perfect environment for all of those positive results.

I managed to find some time to discover what her present was only two days later.
I put the drive in my laptop and my earphones on and played the songs in the exact same order my therapist had suggested.
I shed a tear or two.
I still listen to them from time to time and love it when I happen to hear them on the radio, as if the joy of that gift renovates each time I casually bump into them.

I’m glad to share with you one of the songs she gave to me, the one that touched me most.
You can listen to it here and read the lyrics’ translation right below the video.
Hope you like it…

 

Forse non sai quel che darei
Perché tu sia felice
Piangi lacrime di aria
Lacrime invisibili
Che solamente gli angeli
San portar viaMa cambierà stagione
Ci saranno nuove roseE ci sarà
Dentro te e al di là dell’orizzonte
Una piccola poesiaCi sarà
Forse esiste già al di là dell’orizzonte
Una poesia anche per teVorrei rinascere per te
E ricominciare insieme
Come se
Non sentissi più dolore
Ma tu hai tessuto sogni di cristallo
Troppo coraggiosi e fragili
Per morire adesso
Solo per un rimpianto

Ci sarà
Dentro e te e al di là dell’orizzonte
Una piccola poesia

Ci sarà
Dentro e te e al di là dell’orizzonte
Una poesia anche per te

Perdona e dimenticherai
Per quanto possa fare male in fondo sai
Che sei ancora qui
E dare tutto
E dare tanto quanto il tempo in cui
Il tuo segno rimarrà
Questo nodo lo sciolga il sole
Come sa fare con la neve

Ci sarà
Dentro e te e al di là dell’orizzonte
Una piccola poesia

Ci sarà
Forse esiste già al di là dell’orizzonte
Una poesia anche per te
Anche per te
Solo per te

Maybe you don’t know what I’d give
To make you happy
You cry tears made of air
Invisible tears
That only the angels
Can take awayBut a new season will come
New roses will bloomAnd there will be
Inside of you and beyond the horizon
Some little poetryThere will be
And maybe it already exists beyond the horizon
Some poetry for you tooI wish I’d be born again for you
And start it over again together
As if
I didn’t feel pain any longer
But you’ve weaved crystal dreams
Too brave and frail
To die now
Just for a regret

There will be
Inside of you and beyond the horizon
Some little poetry

There will be
And maybe it already exists beyond the horizon
Some poetry for you too

Forgive and you’ll forget
As much as it may hurt, deep inside you know
That you are still here
And giving it all
And giving as much as the time
Your mark will last
May the sun dissolve this knot
The way it does with the snow

There will be
Inside of you and beyond the horizon
Some little poetry

There will be
And maybe it already exists beyond the horizon
Some little poetry for you too
For you too
Just for you

 


If you’ve stumbled upon this page and reached the bottom of it, you’ve just made me happy, but if you really wish to make me thrilled and proud, please feel free to leave a comment here below. I’d love to read your feedback, suggestions, opinions of any kind (and I’d love to reply to them too). Come on, just scroll down a little bit… 🙂

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