A lot of firsts

“How do you understand when anxiety is finally over?” I’ve asked myself this question many times and let me be frank: I have no answer to that.   Nevertheless few months ago I casually stumbled upon the following quote and I believe I couldn’t have found a better way to describe my feelings:   Once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be…

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Let the romance begin

Ok, the title may sound a bit mushy, I know. But, after all, what did you expect after last post? It all begins with a kiss, right? That’s what happened to me, to us, as well. It all began with that kiss. I was still pretty afraid of so many things, but confusion was dissolving. I told everything to my therapist, of course, as soon as we met. “I’m glad about what’s happening, but I still have so many fears.” “Which ones?” she asked. “Oh gosh, where do I start from?” “Let’s start from the biggest ones, for example”. I…

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A separation

By the beginning of June the date of my travel was getting scarily near. I was starting to feel better, that’s true, but the only idea of being in a plane for almost two hours, far from home for five days and four nights, then back on a plane again was freaking me out. I tried not to think much about it, but every time the idea of the travel brushed by my mind, the same known sensations got back powerfully: my stomach cringed, my head started spinning, nausea arose, nerves got tense. I was terrified at the idea of…

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Let down my guard

I was basically starting to let down my guard. Or more simply, I was just trying to stop fighting windmills. Life had just shown me that I am way weaker and more vulnerable than I have ever imagined or wanted to be. But, as time went by and I felt better, I got more and more used to the idea that my fragility is not something I should be ashamed of, that it is even something that makes me a better person. Borrowing a metaphor from literature, I was starting to feel like my character on the stage had just…

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