It must be the meds

By mid May, I was actually starting to feel better. I had been going to work every day for the last month, my fears about my best friend and me were getting thinner, time to go to sleep was still a critical moment, but insomnia was no longer the huge problem it had been. One day, it was a Saturday afternoon, I was supposed to go shopping for groceries with my brother. He wound up having some other things to do in the end and, without even thinking about it that much, I heard myself saying: “Don’t worry, I’ll go…

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Comebacks

The second half of April was the time for comebacks. My friends had been patiently waiting for news from me, some of them had probably already given up hope to ever hearing from me again, and my sick leave was going to expire. I probably had the chance to have one more week off from work, if I just asked my GP and told her I wasn’t feeling ready. And I actually wasn’t feeling ready, at all. However I was willing to try to get back, maybe I was just curious to see how things were going to go, or,…

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The world keeps spinning around

"spinning top" by Creativity103

During mid-April, one month after my March breakdown, I was still at home on sick leave. Almost all of my days were looking alike: wake up, breakfast, paroxetine, yoga, lunch, walk, groceries, afternoon snack, reading, dinner, movie, xanax, bed. Sleep was slowly getting better, days were looking a bit brighter and, after all, spring was finally disclosing. Yet life out of my house was still limited to my afternoon walks, invariably accompanied by one of my parents. The idea of getting back to work or simply going out either alone or with friends still scared the hell out of me.…

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I am…

Cliche by Tom Newby

During one of my first sessions, it was the beginning of April, while trying to collect details about the background of my story, my therapist asked me: “Do you remember having felt this way, or in a similar way to this, in your past? Do you recall having felt some or all of these symptoms at some point in your past life?” Sure I did, never in such a strong way and for this long, but I’ve been feeling anxious all my life: before every test at school, every race on the track, every university exam, every job interview, every…

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