A new (or such) beginning

365.282 - it gets better by Michael Verhoef

Not quitting Paroxetine and starting Xanax were not the only resolutions I made that day. I tried to shake off the image that I had of myself as an ill person, or at least, I made my first attempt at it. My bedroom, as well as part of the rest of the house, was filled with all the stuff I had been using for my many problems: antacids, milk enzymes, anti-spasm meds, melatonin, tons of paper tissues and medical prescriptions were everywhere. I carefully removed every trace of my sufferings from my sight. The only remaining boxes were Paroxetine in…

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A pill that had to be popped

Bad Drugs by Derek Gavey

The afternoon after my first therapy session, my GP wanted to see me again to know how I was. I shared with her my positive impressions about that beginning of therapy and she sentenced “Ok, so that’s all you were needing”. Not really. The following day everything started again as usual: fears, lack of appetite, stomachache, tachycardia and all the rest. I spent some more days like that, counting the hours separating me from the second therapy session, that was going to occur two weeks later. Then I got back to my GP: no, therapy was probably not all I…

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Meet your shrink

Glimmer of hope by Lucas ()

The morning after I collapsed to the ground, I entered a therapist’s office for the first time in my life. No couch to lie on, no enquiring looks, no disturbing images on the walls. I found there a woman, not much older than me, with an empathic look and reassuring manners. I had been nervous since I woke up that morning, after the usual very few hours of sleep. My heart still running too fast, my head still dizzy, my breath short as I started to speak. I told her what I had been going through in those last months,…

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Let’s strike with the drama

Shattered Colours by Martin Kenny

Let’s go straight to the juiciest part: in the morning of a mid-march day, I lost my senses to my kitchen floor. After 3 days of absolute no-sleep, that morning I raised from the bed asking myself whether it would be a better idea to go to the office or to stay home again. As you may recall, everything had started to make me feel terrified, since December. For some reasons, going to work and especially having meetings were two of my biggest fears. A phone call was scheduled for my boss, some colleagues from a different site and me…

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All of my symptoms, or rather: the Mutant Monster

Fun (!) thing of anxiety is that it is a mutant monster, or at least that’s what it has been for me. Basically, every time I understood that one or few of my symptoms were being caused by anxiety, a new one (or a set of new ones) appeared. During my journey through hell, I’ve been suffering from one or more of the symptoms I’m listing below. But the other fun (!!) thing is that, during the worst weeks, the following entire list of symptoms paid me a visit simultaneously. Enjoy: Cold sensation: at every time of the day, no…

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Doctors weren’t right

Domino by Barry Skeates

We were saying, or better, the doctors were saying that everything was going fine with my body, that all my symptoms were caused by my anxiety and that, once I realized that I had nothing to be scared of, everything would get back to normal. Well, they weren’t right. Or at least, they weren’t completely right. I wasn’t ill, nothing was going wrong in my body, that was true and I had plenty of medical evidences to confirm it. But not only the symptoms still persisted, they even kept slowly worsening. I wasn’t able to sleep properly and my sleep…

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Not the best Christmas of my life

Hanging Ball by Stefan Insam

It was December and it was freezing cold. I had been feeling like seasonal flu was right about to strike me in the previous days. Plus, I had been working like a mule all year long. I was put in charge of a team right before summer for the first time of my life and this – together with some pride and greater responsibilities – mainly brought longer working hours, lots of tensions and some bitterness coming from older colleagues reluctant to be guided by a younger and less experienced girl. I was counting the days to Christmas vacation, to…

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Intro

Coastline Journey by UnShuttered Soul~Coming Utah!, on Flickr

I was never used to express my feelings or to consider my story interesting enough to be told to anybody. I never actually opened up either to my family or closest friends. I just kept it all to myself and when I say “all”, I mean it. Fears, dreams, love interests, disappointments, any kind of discomfort, every emotion was locked up somewhere between my chest, my stomach and the back of my head. I did it naturally, I never actually had the need to let it go, or maybe I just never realized I had that need. Never, till the…

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